We really had an easy life, me and B. We enjoy our jobs. We travel to where we want when we want. We go out to eat when we are lazy and we cook at home when we feel like it. We go shopping for fun. We love going to the movies. We go out with friends many times a week.
Then one day last year, something hit me and I wanted to have a baby!
A dragon baby :)
On June 11th, our little princess was born. Things did not really go as planned. I usually like things to go as I plan them. At my 38th week prenatal visit, my doctor gave my belly a quick feel and asked for the scanner. B and I became alarmed and felt confused at the gesture. She then gave me a quick scan and quickly announced that Emily was now breach! She just flipped around overnight, I guess.
So my C section was scheduled for Monday the following week. It all happened really fast. I tried to reason and rationalize it all in my mind. It's going to be alright. It was just a small surgery and tons of people choose to have it rather than a vaginal birth. I talked to my OB friends, whose explanations about the whole procedure and implications made me somewhat more relaxed. What did I need to worry about? The baby was healthy, I was healthy, and B was going to be there with me the whole time, and, my OB friends will also be there. So I was all set to go really. I cried a little. I cried for the loss of my much anticipated vaginal birth experience. I had the whole things rehearsed my mind a million times. But it's okay, we will just do it a bit differently, but the end result will still be as wonderful as I had ever imagined, our little girl.
The day of the surgery, we woke up at 4:30 am to get ready to head to the hospital for 6 am. We had our bag as well as Emily's bag all packed and ready the night before. When we left our house, our parents gave us words of love and encouragement. I also comfort my mother who was worried and awake all night.
Once we get to the triage unit, reality begins to really set in, or did it set in later? I met the nurses, a junior resident who confirmed that Emily was still breach, no surprise there. I met my OB. Then I get blood work and an IV. (The IV really really hurt! But I tried to act tough.) Then my friends arrived, which made me calm down. B was with me the whole time to comfort me and soothe my nerves. (I tried to act tough for him too.)
My nurses announced that I was ready to go and escort me to the OR. The most scary part of the whole things was my anesthesia. I was reassured I had a good senior resident to do it but I was still afraid that it wouldn't work and I would either feel the pain or have to have general anesthesia instead. But it worked! Although the needles in my back really were quite sore, I was so so relieved when I felt the warmth rush down my back and the heaviness creep into my legs.
Then I was draped. My friend, who was assisting in my C section, prepped me, after the nurse put in the foley catheter. I felt momentarily embarrassed of my complete nakedness in front of my friends. But it was so brief, followed again by gratefulness that I was in such good hands.
The surgery happened fast, especially after B came into the room. He was again quick to make me feel safe and comfortable, but I was a little bit jealous when he was asked to look at and take a photo of Emily when they first pulled her out of me. I was out of breath when the doctors lifted her over the drapes to show her to me before handing them to the NICU staff. But the tears flowed when I heard her first cry. I couldn't believe I just became a mother!
The recovery from surgery was a bit rough early on. But really, I don't remember all the details, since my mind was so focused on Emily. I am glad I chose to be discharged early (on the 3rd day) because home is so much more comfortable!
It has been just over a month since Emily was born. I can't believe it has only been such a short time. It feels like she has been with us forever and being her parents was what B and I were meant to do. The only disappointment and regret I have about this whole experience so far is the fact that I am not able to exclusively breastfeed her. The fact that I have insufficient breast milk almost lead me into a postpartum depression (low mood, no appetite, no interest, huge guilt), but luckily, I only meet criteria for baby blues and came out of it by week 3.
Life with a baby is SO different! It is quite exhausting, but strangely equally enjoyable. We want to savour every moment and treasure every memory. I hope I don't forget a single small detail of Emily's young life. I can't wait for her first laugh, first reach for my face, first everything else.
I can't wait...
:)
